yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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