Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
