had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
My bed smells like the plague
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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