all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
