i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
