He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
