Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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