They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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