Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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