Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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