For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
