nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
