I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
