Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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