Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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