you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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