I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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