Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
