my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
