i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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