You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
