he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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