My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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