She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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