ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Please don't give away my fajitas
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
