I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
