also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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