If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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