these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
