she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
