the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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