we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
