when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
