I wannas sexs uuuuu
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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