haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
