just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
