i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
