We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
