Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
