Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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