yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
My day in three words: secret purse cake
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
So here I am, sexting at work.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
