just survived the first fart of the relationship.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
