Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
