as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize