Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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