just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
