It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize