I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
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