I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
