Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
