I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
and i looked up. we had an audience...
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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