I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
