Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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