We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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