lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
