At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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