drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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