we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
