did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize