I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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