dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
