her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Randomize