I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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