things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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