New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
