don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
