You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
My life is pants optional.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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