Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
