I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
