wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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